Censoring God?

Have you ever found yourself avoiding praying for something because if you don't ask for it you can't be told "no"?   Well, I found myself doing that just yesterday.

Each day before we jump into school work, we have a time of Scripture memory, reading and prayer.  We mention things we want to be praying about and then pray together.

Well, there is something in particular that my daughter and I have been praying about for 3 years now.  There are some things going on that could possibly be the answer to those prayers but also it could go the other way--in fact, it looks like it will most likely go the other way .  And when it came time for prayer yesterday, I nearly brought it up as something to specifically ask God for again, but I stopped.  I made the conscious decision NOT to pray about it.  I had my reasons.

You see, it makes no sense that it would happen.  There is every reason for it not to work out.  Good reasons.  Reasonable reasons.  It's never worked out before reasons.  It would be too good to be true reasons.  I've been here before reasons.  Cynical reasons.

And though my excuse was not wanting her to be hurt or disappointed in God, the truth is deeper.   I don't want to be disappointed in God.  I maybe already am.

When I awoke this morning, my mind was already back there.  Wishing.  Praying.  Wondering if fasting would help (and knowing that I'd be sunk even if it would).  Then it was like the Lord pointed to me and said, "You CHOSE not to ask when you were with your children."  And then all the Scripture I've ever learned on prayer came flooding back:

"You do not have because you do not ask".

 "You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives,"

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

"Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son." 

"With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."

"For nothing will be impossible with God."

"Truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed.."

Wow, had I really tried to censor what the Lord is doing and wants to do? Had I become bitter with God?    Would it now affect my children through discouraging prayer?  Lord forgive my unbelief and my bitterness.  How my faith in God lacks and my need to control abounds!   He is more than capable of deciding what my kids can handle in regards to prayer.   But He wants us to ASK!   

I went over why we WOULD ask for this particular request again in my mind:

Would it further His kingdom?

Would it bring Him glory?

Would it show His greatness?

Would it demonstrate His love and care for us? 

Well, yes.  All of those!  

What would happen if He said "no"?  Would it provide an opportunity to trust Him despite the disappointment?

Absolutely.

Should either outcome be missed by my children because I  think I already know how things will turn out?   Should the opportunity to see God work and "do something for which only He would get the glory" be missed?   Should it be missed if it means that my kids learn that He is trustworthy despite the circumstances?  Despite the answer?

God is good all the time.  And here is an opportunity to show them that.  Lord forgive me for trying to censor YOU.