I checked my email for the umpteenth time today and saw her name and my heart fell. You see, if we were chosen we would get a phone call. Not to be chosen means an email. A kind one, but one that says we were passed over.
A week of wondering and holding your breath--almost literally--can take a toll. You know not to get your hopes up. You have like 10 kids already and you aren't young and they can tell. You know not to hope too much. And yet, you do. Is it possible for a mother to not get her hopes up? Even one with like 10 kids? I don't know.
For a few minutes you think you may have a fighting chance at being chosen--after all, your profile is pretty good for someone who already has like 10 kids. But then the doubts take over. The uncertainty. "Why the heck WOULD they chose us?" And "Lord, why are we doing this? Is this just me? Do You have this in mind too?"
You try not to think about it. You home school for the day. You post non-sense on facebook. You make spaghetti sauce from scratch. The blender explodes and you clean it up. It explodes 3 more times and you keep cleaning it up, hoping to think about what's in front of you instead of what's on your heart. You post a status to let a little of it out. And then you delete thinking no one needs to hear it. And then you try again and delete. "Turn to Jesus", you finally tell yourself.
And as a waiting parent--for anyone, really--THAT is the best advice available: "Turn to Jesus".
Give all your cares and worries to God, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!
Psalm 116:1&2 NLT
So, you pour out your heart to Him. Because that's all you can do. That's the problem with waiting--there's nothing to "do". And that's the blessing of waiting--giving up the "doing".
And as I've waited, I've more earnestly taken in Scripture. Isn't that always the case when we, His children, are waiting? Waiting to hear a health report, waiting for a job, waiting in loneliness for...? I'm not sure any of us would choose that period of waiting. We wait because we are clueless on our own for the answers. We have no choice. We are not in control. And we never know this fact better than when we are in a period of waiting. We are totally dependent on God--acknowledging His sovereignty. His Word takes on new life, new meaning. It is the only thing that soothes us when we are in this state of particular awareness.
Today, as we reached the one week mark since we learned of this particular birth mom, I was very aware of our school verse for the day: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 What can I do but cling to it? ALL things. For GOOD. To those who are called ACCORDING to HIS PURPOSE. This waiting. This not knowing. This clinging to Him. It is all for His purpose. And He will make it beautiful in His time.
John Piper posted a bit of Jeremiah 32 today so I looked it up. Here is what I found:
"O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you!"........
“I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me? ..........
" I will certainly bring my people back again from all the countries where I will scatter them in my fury. I will bring them back to this very city and let them live in peace and safety. They will be my people, and I will be their God. And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land."~NLT
God's people the Israelites were waiting. They were waiting for the day when God would restore them to their homeland. And God did. At the proper time. The day was set. And when He did it, it was because of His goodness. It was because He had a purpose. And He found joy in doing it. He still works things together for good for those who love Him.
As I consider this adoption--the one that feels a tad hopeless because of our big family, our ages, our unconventionality--I know that if it happens, it will happen because God has done it. It will have nothing to do with our nice profile booklet, or the words we poured our hearts into. It will have nothing to do with my worry & anxiety. It will be because God has directed it. Because He says that it will be for good for us, for the baby and for the precious birth mom. It will be for His purpose. He is able to draw us all together at just the proper time as His doing alone. He is able. And I can rest in this. I can rest in this waiting.
As I scanned that email with a heavy heart this afternoon, I found that it was not quite the final closure on this scenario. The birth mom has not yet made a decision. We will continue to pray for her, for her baby, and for how God might use us in all of this. And we will wait.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
PS- We don't really have 10 kids. It just looks like it in the profile book. We actually just have 5.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Pancakes and Pot Roast
What could be more classically American than Pancakes and Pot Roast?
My husband is the chief pancake chef around here and he is excellent! When we were first married we tried the mixes and felt let down. They just didn't taste like mom-used-to-make. My husband set out to find a good recipe and was very successful. We haven't looked back since. Until......I saw the recipe for Edna Mae's Sour Cream Pancakes in the PW cookbook. I needed to get to it anyway, but anything with sour cream cooked into it intrigues me deeply and the pile of imperfect perfection in the photo made my mouth water.
Last Saturday was the day. I went ahead and doubled the batch because it claimed to make about twelve 4 inch pancakes. Since we have 7 people I thought we'd at least like 2 a piece. The doubled recipe barely squeaked out 2 a piece. I even measured the batter as I poured. Next time I would triple the batch.
But other than the amount produced, there was nothing disappointing about these imperfect looking beauties. They were absolutely delicious! Everyone (including the chief pancake maker) couldn't contain their pleasure as they partook.
The one little caution would be that they don't show their level of "doneness" like traditional pancakes with the air bubbles showing before you flip. Instead, you have to really pay attention to the amount of time per side. It is well worth the trouble.
Right after the breakfast dishes were cleaned up, I went to work on the pot roast for dinner. If you are like me, you have fond memories of the pot roasts of your youth but they seem to elude you as an adult. I have pulled off a handful of decent roasts, but it seems like they are so easy to dry out. It's pretty disappointing to endure the tantalizing smell of it cooking all day only to bite into slightly beef flavored saw dust in the end. It is not so at all with this recipe. There was no disappointment whatsoever. It was bliss served up on a plate.
I think a couple of the keys to the success of this recipe are that 1) you brown the onion and carrots before adding them to the pot. This gives them an incredible flavor. And 2) you add 2 -3 cups of beef stock to the pot at the beginning and it yields moist, tender results.
We all agreed that this was the best roast we'd maybe ever had. ( I say "maybe" because we are all susceptible to hyperbole in the face of sheer yumminess.) If you've given up on making a really good roast, I say "not yet"! You've got to give this one a try! I know the Sunday dinners of my future are looking promising.
My husband is the chief pancake chef around here and he is excellent! When we were first married we tried the mixes and felt let down. They just didn't taste like mom-used-to-make. My husband set out to find a good recipe and was very successful. We haven't looked back since. Until......I saw the recipe for Edna Mae's Sour Cream Pancakes in the PW cookbook. I needed to get to it anyway, but anything with sour cream cooked into it intrigues me deeply and the pile of imperfect perfection in the photo made my mouth water.
Last Saturday was the day. I went ahead and doubled the batch because it claimed to make about twelve 4 inch pancakes. Since we have 7 people I thought we'd at least like 2 a piece. The doubled recipe barely squeaked out 2 a piece. I even measured the batter as I poured. Next time I would triple the batch.
But other than the amount produced, there was nothing disappointing about these imperfect looking beauties. They were absolutely delicious! Everyone (including the chief pancake maker) couldn't contain their pleasure as they partook.
The one little caution would be that they don't show their level of "doneness" like traditional pancakes with the air bubbles showing before you flip. Instead, you have to really pay attention to the amount of time per side. It is well worth the trouble.
Right after the breakfast dishes were cleaned up, I went to work on the pot roast for dinner. If you are like me, you have fond memories of the pot roasts of your youth but they seem to elude you as an adult. I have pulled off a handful of decent roasts, but it seems like they are so easy to dry out. It's pretty disappointing to endure the tantalizing smell of it cooking all day only to bite into slightly beef flavored saw dust in the end. It is not so at all with this recipe. There was no disappointment whatsoever. It was bliss served up on a plate.
I think a couple of the keys to the success of this recipe are that 1) you brown the onion and carrots before adding them to the pot. This gives them an incredible flavor. And 2) you add 2 -3 cups of beef stock to the pot at the beginning and it yields moist, tender results.
We all agreed that this was the best roast we'd maybe ever had. ( I say "maybe" because we are all susceptible to hyperbole in the face of sheer yumminess.) If you've given up on making a really good roast, I say "not yet"! You've got to give this one a try! I know the Sunday dinners of my future are looking promising.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thoughts on Adoption
We are in the process of a second adoption. We are in that gray, undefined period of time known as Waiting. We've completed all our paperwork, had our interviews,fingerprints, medical exams, written our personal history, philosophy, and disclosed our personal finances. We've even made our profile book--thanks to my oldest daughter. We are now just waiting.
I think a lot of waiting moms use this time to prepare for their child, maybe design a nursery, collect baby items, etc. As I wait, I think, rethink, analyze, doubt, question, pray and start the cycle again. (My husband is pretty laid back. He just goes on with life. I have no idea how he does it!) You must bear in mind that my mental process is not of a childless woman--I'm assuming their struggles are similar in many areas, but also different and much tougher in other ways. I can only write from where I am in my life as a mom to five.
When we were waiting for my youngest, we had struggles then too. We were concerned that we were getting too old to be a fun, normal family. (We're even older now!) We were concerned with and questioned ourselves on becoming a trans-racial family. (Now we are one!) We were concerned with possibly throwing a wrench into our happy family of biological-ness. (Nope! Our joy and fun has been magnified.) We were concerned that we would be able to get a loan to finance the adoption. (God supplied at the very hour of need. ) Then we were concerned with how we would ever pay back the loan. (God graciously provided.) As I look back at those concerns and compare them to the ones I have now, I see some similarities and then I see some as not an issue this time. I also see that God was completely faithful--that what He called us to, He saw us through.
And yet I mull. If you are one who seeks after God's will for your life, and if you are pregnant, you typically don't question whether or not it's God's will for you to add to your family. But when you have 5 children and are 40, and you have to choose to go into significant debt to do it, it's a different ballgame--at least for me. But as I think and re-analyze, I am reminded that HE laid this on our hearts. HE gave us the desire. We can't imagine life without our little one--he adds so much joy and spark and LIFE. We are BLESSED.
A couple of big encouragers to me are:
1) My husband. How many men would choose to go this route when they've got a house full?? My son pointed this out one evening when we were all sitting around talking. He's so right. This takes some unusual love and selflessness. I am so blessed to have him as a godly example to our children that this life is for serving God, being about HIS business, taking care of who God has entrusted to him and being unafraid to take on more responsibility.
2) My older kids. They continually bless me with a heart for adoption. They are willing and excited to share the love. They also soothe my fears with saying things like: "Mom, you should see how old some of my friends' parents are. You'll be fine." And: "We'll all just crowd in in this house. It'll be fine! We won't need to move again!!" However, they could do better with their vehicle perspective: "We need a bigger car!! When can we get a bigger car?? We're so uncomfortable back here! Ouch! get your elbow out of my ribs!" Ah, well...can't have it all I guess.
3) And then there's our little one. Our sought after, prayed for one. The one added in faith and fear. Oh, where to start? Where to end once I start? He is the best encouragement for this second adoption--this child that God miraculously placed in our family. When I hear him pray or sing a song about Jesus, when I see him joyfully interact with a godly daddy--HIS daddy, when I see his brother or sister put their head to his and talk gently with him, when I lift him up into the grocery cart, when I hear him giggle, when I snuggle with him on his pillow with a book, when I feel his arms around my neck, when he smashes up next to me, I know. I KNOW that this is what we should be doing. It may or may not happen a second time. But we will, in faith, take the steps, and God will direct how He sees fit.
A couple of extra random thoughts:
1) People have said how lucky or blessed our little one is. On the contrary--WE are blessed.
2) People sometimes assume that you are adopting to do a good deed. While there are adoptions that do rescue, we adopted because we desired a child. Bottom line. We adopted to fulfill a desire. I wish I were more saintly. But that is the truth.
3) Foreign adoptions are needed but so are Domestic.
4)Don't let the idea of being debt-free be the main reason keeping you from this ministry/blessing. I don't know anyone who can pay for this out-right. (Something I continue to re-hash.)
5)We are not Home yet.
I think a lot of waiting moms use this time to prepare for their child, maybe design a nursery, collect baby items, etc. As I wait, I think, rethink, analyze, doubt, question, pray and start the cycle again. (My husband is pretty laid back. He just goes on with life. I have no idea how he does it!) You must bear in mind that my mental process is not of a childless woman--I'm assuming their struggles are similar in many areas, but also different and much tougher in other ways. I can only write from where I am in my life as a mom to five.
When we were waiting for my youngest, we had struggles then too. We were concerned that we were getting too old to be a fun, normal family. (We're even older now!) We were concerned with and questioned ourselves on becoming a trans-racial family. (Now we are one!) We were concerned with possibly throwing a wrench into our happy family of biological-ness. (Nope! Our joy and fun has been magnified.) We were concerned that we would be able to get a loan to finance the adoption. (God supplied at the very hour of need. ) Then we were concerned with how we would ever pay back the loan. (God graciously provided.) As I look back at those concerns and compare them to the ones I have now, I see some similarities and then I see some as not an issue this time. I also see that God was completely faithful--that what He called us to, He saw us through.
And yet I mull. If you are one who seeks after God's will for your life, and if you are pregnant, you typically don't question whether or not it's God's will for you to add to your family. But when you have 5 children and are 40, and you have to choose to go into significant debt to do it, it's a different ballgame--at least for me. But as I think and re-analyze, I am reminded that HE laid this on our hearts. HE gave us the desire. We can't imagine life without our little one--he adds so much joy and spark and LIFE. We are BLESSED.
A couple of big encouragers to me are:
1) My husband. How many men would choose to go this route when they've got a house full?? My son pointed this out one evening when we were all sitting around talking. He's so right. This takes some unusual love and selflessness. I am so blessed to have him as a godly example to our children that this life is for serving God, being about HIS business, taking care of who God has entrusted to him and being unafraid to take on more responsibility.
2) My older kids. They continually bless me with a heart for adoption. They are willing and excited to share the love. They also soothe my fears with saying things like: "Mom, you should see how old some of my friends' parents are. You'll be fine." And: "We'll all just crowd in in this house. It'll be fine! We won't need to move again!!" However, they could do better with their vehicle perspective: "We need a bigger car!! When can we get a bigger car?? We're so uncomfortable back here! Ouch! get your elbow out of my ribs!" Ah, well...can't have it all I guess.
3) And then there's our little one. Our sought after, prayed for one. The one added in faith and fear. Oh, where to start? Where to end once I start? He is the best encouragement for this second adoption--this child that God miraculously placed in our family. When I hear him pray or sing a song about Jesus, when I see him joyfully interact with a godly daddy--HIS daddy, when I see his brother or sister put their head to his and talk gently with him, when I lift him up into the grocery cart, when I hear him giggle, when I snuggle with him on his pillow with a book, when I feel his arms around my neck, when he smashes up next to me, I know. I KNOW that this is what we should be doing. It may or may not happen a second time. But we will, in faith, take the steps, and God will direct how He sees fit.
A couple of extra random thoughts:
1) People have said how lucky or blessed our little one is. On the contrary--WE are blessed.
2) People sometimes assume that you are adopting to do a good deed. While there are adoptions that do rescue, we adopted because we desired a child. Bottom line. We adopted to fulfill a desire. I wish I were more saintly. But that is the truth.
3) Foreign adoptions are needed but so are Domestic.
4)Don't let the idea of being debt-free be the main reason keeping you from this ministry/blessing. I don't know anyone who can pay for this out-right. (Something I continue to re-hash.)
5)We are not Home yet.
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