Thoughts on Adoption

We are in the process of a second adoption.  We are in that gray, undefined period of time known as Waiting.  We've completed all our paperwork, had our interviews,fingerprints, medical exams, written our personal history, philosophy, and disclosed our personal finances.  We've even made our profile book--thanks to my oldest daughter.   We are now just waiting.

I think a lot of waiting moms use this time to prepare for their child, maybe design a nursery, collect baby items, etc.   As I wait, I think, rethink, analyze, doubt, question, pray and start the cycle again. (My husband is pretty laid back.  He just goes on with life. I have no idea how he does it!) You must bear in mind that my mental process is not of a childless woman--I'm assuming their struggles are similar in many areas, but also different and much tougher in other ways.  I can only write from where I am in my life as a mom to five.

When we were waiting for my youngest, we had struggles then too.  We were concerned that we were getting too old to be a fun, normal family. (We're even older now!) We were concerned with and questioned ourselves on becoming a trans-racial family. (Now we are one!)  We were concerned with possibly throwing a wrench into our happy family of biological-ness. (Nope!  Our joy and fun has been magnified.) We were concerned that we would be able to get a loan to finance the adoption.  (God supplied at the very hour of need. ) Then we were concerned with how we would ever pay back the loan. (God graciously provided.)   As I look back at those concerns and compare them to the ones I have now, I see some similarities and then I see some as not an issue this time.  I also see that God was completely faithful--that what He called us to, He saw us through.

And yet I mull.  If you are one who seeks after God's will for your life, and if you are pregnant, you typically don't question whether or not it's God's will for you to add to your family.  But when you have 5 children and are 40, and you have to choose to go into significant debt to do it,  it's a different ballgame--at least for me. But  as I think and re-analyze, I am reminded that HE laid this on our hearts.  HE gave us the desire.  We can't imagine life without our little one--he adds so much joy and spark and LIFE.  We are BLESSED.

A couple of big encouragers to me are:
 1) My husband.  How many men would choose to go this route when they've got a house full??  My son pointed this out one evening when we were all sitting around talking.  He's so right.  This takes some unusual love and selflessness.  I am so blessed to have him as a godly example to our children that this life is for serving God, being about HIS business, taking care of who God has entrusted to him and being unafraid to take on more responsibility.
 2) My older kids.  They continually bless me with a heart for adoption.  They are willing and excited to share the love.  They also soothe my fears with saying things like:  "Mom, you should see how old some of my friends' parents are.  You'll be fine."  And:  "We'll all just crowd in in this house.  It'll be fine!  We won't need to move again!!"   However, they could do better with their vehicle perspective: "We need a bigger car!! When can we get a bigger car?? We're so uncomfortable back here! Ouch! get your elbow out of my ribs!"  Ah, well...can't have it all I guess.
 3)  And then there's our little one. Our sought after, prayed for one.  The one added in faith and fear.  Oh, where to start?  Where to end once I start?   He is the best encouragement for this second adoption--this child that God miraculously placed in our family.  When I hear him pray or sing a song about Jesus, when I see him joyfully interact with a godly daddy--HIS daddy, when I see his brother or sister put their head to his and talk gently with him, when I lift him up into the grocery cart, when I hear him giggle, when I snuggle with him on his pillow with a book, when I feel his arms around my neck, when he smashes up next to me, I know.  I KNOW that this is what we should be doing.  It may or may not happen a second time.  But we will, in faith, take the steps, and God will direct how He sees fit.

A couple of extra random thoughts:
1) People have said how lucky or blessed our little one is.  On the contrary--WE are blessed.
2) People sometimes assume that you are adopting to do a good deed.  While there are adoptions that do rescue, we adopted because we desired a child. Bottom line. We adopted to fulfill a desire. I wish I were more saintly.  But that is the truth.
3) Foreign adoptions are needed but so are Domestic.
4)Don't let the idea of being debt-free be the main reason keeping you from this ministry/blessing.  I don't know anyone who can pay for this out-right. (Something I continue to re-hash.)
5)We are not Home yet.